Words From The Wise, (or, Straight From the Horse's Ass)

In the interest of (A) serving my fellow man, and (B) getting the Lacan post off the top of this blog so that people will actually desire to read it, I present this first installment (perhaps of many, perhaps the only) of words of wisdom from wise guys intended to help the reader make their way through the arbitrary and sadistic Japenese-styled game show/obstacle course that apparently is life. So, without further ado...

'"They say that when good Americans die they go to Paris," chuckled Sir Thomas, who had a large wardrobe of Humour's cast-off clothes.
"Really! And where do bad Americans go to when they die?" inquired the duchess.
"They go to America," murmured Lord Henry.
Sir Thomas frowned. "I am afraid that your nephew is prejudiced against that great country," he said to Lady Agatha. "I have travelled all over it in cars provided by the directors, who, in such matters, are extremely civil. I assure you that it is an education to visit it."
"But must we really see Chicago in order to be educated?" asked Mr. Erskine plaintively. "I don't feel up to the journey."
Sir Thomas waved his hand. "Mr. Erskine of Treadley has the world on his shelves. We practical men like to see things, not to read about them. The Americans are an extemely interesting people. They are absolutely reasonable. I think that is their distinguishing characteristic. Yes, Mr. Erskine, an absolutely reasonable people. I assure you there is no nonsense about the Americans."
"How dreadful!" cried Lord Henry.'

The above passage was brazenly plagarized from the pages of Oscar Wilde's wonderfully dry, witty, and exceedingly British novel, "The Picture of Dorian Gray."